Texas Here I come!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Well I am going back to Texas for a short visit to tend to some business.  I am looking forward to seeing the kids and grandkids… albeit they just left a month ago.  But I am really looking forward to seeing Maggie and the other critters we had to leave behind.  I am sure they felt abandoned by us… even though Jennifer has been taking most excellent care of them in our absence.  I am even surer that Jennifer is going to enjoy 9 days of not having to go to our house to feed all the outside animals twice a day and have Maggie to contend with.

I am so looking forward to driving.  It will be strange to be behind the wheel of a car after 6 months of no driving.  But I am sure it will all come back to me quickly… like riding a bike… huh?  I have the clean new smell of my car… that will be heavenly.  You see, here all the cabs have the odor of tobacco and other assorted smells from the countless people that have been in and out of them.  Of course, all the cabs proudly display the no smoking emblem, but at any given cab line… the smoke is wafting out the driver window or the driver himself smells like an ash tray.  Smoking is huge here… and they smoke everywhere.  There are few places that ban smoking and if they do, they typically do not police it.

The next thing I am looking forward to… food.  I am totally plotting the food I will be eating once home! Just to have the vast array of fine dining available to choose from is huge.  It is the little things that I miss the most.  I think I shall enjoy a trip to the grocery store and spend time reading the labels...just because I can!!! 

I am definitely planning to have mass quantities of Mexican food.  And I probably will need some good Italian too.  When I sent the email to the kids, Marcy’s first questions were “What night are we going to LaFuenta?” and “What would you like me to get from the grocery store to have at the house?”

 I listed just breakfast food for Sunday morning so I do not have to leave the house for food until after breakfast.  We will not get home from the airport until wee hours of Sunday morning.  But I actually want to go to the grocery store when I get home.  I used to dread it, but listen to me?  I am actually looking forward to it… am I losing my mind or what?

Looking forward to my bed… oh how marvelous that will be!  The bed here is not terrible bad, but it is not our bed.  Oh… the other wonderful thing… the bedroom will be totally dark!!!  Living in the country you come to appreciate the darkness of night time.  Unless there is a full moon… it is various degrees of darkness.  Here it is light all the time.  It is never really dark in the apartment and the sun shines in at about 4am.  For a while I was even resorting to an eye mask.  We got some in our little package that is part of the business class flying experience.  I got tired of having lines on my face that never went away… and NO they were not just wrinkles!

Let’s see… what else am I looking forward to?  I am going to my stylist for a cut and color.  I know my hair and husband will be grateful for that.  He really does not look forward to coloring my hair.  Although the last 2 times someone else was there to take care of the job, Hanne once and then Jennifer when she was here. 

Going to the dentist?  I have an appointment so that will be done.  Not really looking forward to it, but need to get it taken care of.  But honestly, I like the way my teeth feel after a dentist visit.  Call me crazy… but that is ok!

I plan on visiting our DSW and Kohl’s while at home.  DSW, for those not fortunate to have one close, is Designer Shoe Warehouse.  It is a paradise to anyone who likes shoes… row after row of every kind of shoe known to man.  Well maybe not that many, but more than enough for the average woman person to leave with at least 1-3 pairs of new shoes. 

Kohl’s is a department store that has a great selection of merchandise at even more amazing prices.  I rarely go into a Kohl’s that I do not come out with at least one something… but usually many something’s go home with me.  It is the kinda place you can buy something new and not feel guilty for buying something because the prices really are seriously cheap.

I have several places on my list to wonder in before coming back to Shanghai.  It is not about needing anything in particular.  It is about being in a store that is familiar, that has products that I recognize, labels I can read, sales people that speak English and clothes that fit.  The stuff that I never gave a second thought about… UNTIL… I moved to China!  Now it is something I will probably never take for granted again!

The one thing I am not looking forward to… 14 hour flight to Chicago and 13 hour flight from LAX back.  It is a long time to be sitting in a little airplane seat!  But I will manage.  And the jet lag… I will have to get turned around quickly as I have a lot to accomplish in a short amount of time.

Michael is going to be batching it for a couple of weeks.  Good thing there is a Papa John’s on the corner and Sherpa’s delivery service.  At least he will not starve!

I have my trusty check list.  That should at least help me remember what all to take from here and what all to bring from there!  Now where is that darn list???

So good Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise… I will be there late Saturday night!!!

Living in China… it can deplete your self-control

Monday, July 11, 2011

Yesterday we met Dave and Bobbie for lunch. We hopped on the subway for a quick ride to LongYang Lu Station and the Ajisen Noodle place.  Bobbie had never been there and it had been a while for Michael.  So we get seated, give our order to the server and are just chatting… catching up. 

As the server arrives with our drinks, the tray is wobbling… he over corrects and dumps a whole glass of passion juice on Bobbie.  I mean completely empties the sweet sticky drink down her right side from the waist down.  What a way to start lunch.  Worst yet… there is no bathroom in the restaurant, just a sink back by the kitchen.  She was such a trooper.  She cleaned up as best she could at the sink in the back.  Thank goodness I always have Wet Ones in my pack.  They are my staple these days… for a quick cleanup before a meal out or a wipe of the toilet seat or whatever needs a disinfecting wipe down.  Not that Bobbie needed a disinfecting wipe down… but it did make an effort at removing the leftover sticky! 

After we finished our meal, we were chatting and Bobbie mentioned something about her and Dave snapping at one another.  I picked up on it immediately as I recognized what was happening from our own experience.  Michael and I never really fight… but the first few months in China, it seemed that nothing passed without sniping at each other.  It was so bad that we made a vow…  we gave ourselves one month to figure it out or we were going to pack it in and go home.

One of my new friends, Anne, was telling me this story one day as we were discussing our experiences regarding living in China.  It is impossible to explain to someone how ‘hard’ it is to live here if they have never experienced it.  I shared this story with them …

The article:

You hear something a lot about change: People won’t change because they’re too lazy. Well, I’m here to stick up for the lazy people. In fact, I want to argue that what looks like laziness is actually exhaustion. The proof comes from a psychology study that is absolutely fascinating.

So picture this: Students come into a lab. It smells amazing—someone has just baked chocolate-chip cookies. On a table in front of them, there are two bowls. One has the fresh-baked cookies. The other has a bunch of radishes. Some of the students are asked to eat some cookies but no radishes. Others are told to eat radishes but no cookies, and while they sit there, nibbling on rabbit food, the researchers leave the room – which is intended to tempt them and is frankly kind of sadistic. But in the study none of the radish-eaters slipped – they showed admirable self-control. And meanwhile, it probably goes without saying that the people gorging on cookies didn’t experience much temptation.

Then, the two groups are asked to do a second, seemingly unrelated task—basically a kind of logic puzzle where they have to trace out a complicated geometric pattern without raising their pencil. Unbeknownst to them, the puzzle can’t be solved. The scientists are curious how long they’ll persist at a difficult task. So the cookie-eaters try again and again, for an average of 19 minutes, before they give up. But the radish-eaters—they only last an average of 8 minutes. What gives?

The answer may surprise you: They ran out of self-control. Psychologists have discovered that self-control is an exhaustible resource. And I don’t mean self-control only in the sense of turning down cookies or alcohol, I mean a broader sense of self-supervision—any time you’re paying close attention to your actions, like when you’re having a tough conversation or trying to stay focused on a paper you’re writing. [add-on from me: or living in China!] This helps to explain why, after a long hard day at the office, we’re more likely to snap at our spouses or have one drink too many—we’ve depleted our self-control.

And here’s why this matters for change: In almost all change situations, you’re substituting new, unfamiliar behaviors for old, comfortable ones, and that burns self-control. Let’s say I present a new morning routine to you that specify how you’ll shower and brush your teeth. You’ll understand it and you might even agree with my process. But to pull it off, you’ll have to supervise yourself very carefully. Every fiber of your being will want to go back to the old way of doing things. Inevitably, you’ll slip. And if I were uncharitable, I’d see you going back to the old way and I’d say, ‘‘You’re so lazy. Why can’t you just change?”

This brings us back to the point I promised I’d make: That what looks like laziness is often exhaustion. Change wears people out—even well-intentioned people will simply run out of fuel.

What I did not know at the time, but I can recognize it now, is that every time we leave the house, we have to put ourselves in check.  We are bombarded with language issues and cultural differences and a variety of assaults every time we go anywhere.  When you are out, you have no control over anything… not really.  If someone cuts in line, or yells at you (regardless of whether you understand or not), or pushes you, or is standing so close you are uncomfortable… you just have to grin and bear it.  It is what it is here… this is how they operate.  

You are using up your self-restraint every time you go anywhere.  So what happens when you get with your spouse… you try to exercise control over every situation, regardless of the consequences.  And that was what was going on with us.  We had exhausted our self-restraint so the gloves were off with each other… so to speak.

Once we recognized what we were doing, that each other was not the enemy and that we really only have each other here… we stopped being so crazy!  China is a hard place to live and to live here we need each other.  Recognize when you are running out of fuel and retreat to recharge… don’t take it out on the one person that is here on this journey with you. It is hard enough without creating more stress.

Until next time…

Making new friends…

Friday, July 8, 2011

I am loving the Summer Friends Bible Study.  The added benefit of the study is that I am making new friends too.  The interesting thing about living here is that I meet women from everywhere.  The women in our Bible study are from various parts of the US, Singapore, Taiwan, Hong Kong, South Korea, South Africa, and UK.  I am learning so much about places I have never been, but the bottom line is… we are all connected through our faith and the universal issues of women in general. 

After Bible study on Wednesday morning, some of the ladies were going out to lunch and invited me along.  The group consisted of Lisa, a doctor from Shanghai that has been in Minnesota for the last 20 years, and recently has returned to Shanghai to practice medicine here.  We also had Tracy from Hong Kong, Jenny from Colorado, Jacqueline from Taiwan, and Kye (pronounced Kay), from South Korea. And me, the lone Texan… which they always want me to talk as they seem to think I have an cute accent.  ME???

Jacqueline has a car and driver which opened the opportunities for lunch tremendously.  We ended up at Din Tai Fung Chinese restaurant in the Super Brands Mall.  I was a little nervous about what we would be ordering, but most of the women did not care for strange ingredients or organ meats either, so all would be ok.  We ordered a ton a food and I loved everything we ordered. 

The yummiest of all were the chicken dumplings.  There is a sauce that you need to make to eat on the dumpling.  Jacqueline demonstrated how to concoct this sauce… slivers of ginger, Chinese vinegar, soy sauce and a red chili sauce mixed together.  The dumpling has the meat center and a juicy broth.  So this really hot dumpling is put in the little bowl and you puncture it to let out the steam.  Then top with the concoction and pop it in your mouth.  Oh my… it was delicious!  What a wonderful burst of flavor!!  We ended up ordering more of those little babies.

It was great being able to order a variety of food so that I could try a lot of dishes without having to commit a whole meal to one item.  We had several Shanghai signature dishes which were wonderful too.  We had spicy noodles, fried rice, pork buns, 2 kinds of dumplings, 2 kinds of vegetables and a couple of other things.  We sat there and ate and talked and just enjoyed the company.

I was sad to see it come to an end, but the servers were getting impatient.  I cannot imagine why, we had only been there for 3 ½ hours!  So we paid our bill, which by the way was 110 RMB each… only $17.00 USD.  This was so much food, better than a feast and cost so little!

Back out in the mall, Jacqueline and Jenny went shopping and the rest of us headed to the subway.  Kye, as it turns out, lives in the apartments right across from ours.  So she and I headed one direction and Lisa headed the opposite.  Tracy lived close to the Mall and went home. What a fun day!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

 Today Jacqueline and Jenny picked me up for lunch in JinQiao at Element Fresh.  I love Element Fresh and add these two wonderful ladies… well that was really the recipe for great food and conversation.  We had a great time, but all good things come to an end… Jacqueline was off to a facial somewhere down close to Super Brands Mall. 

But Jenny and I were only going across the street to the Dragon Fly for 60 minutes of heaven with a foot massage.  Jenny had had a foot massage somewhere else and she had not enjoyed it at all.  So it became my mission to introduce her to the Dragon Fly experience! 

Sixty minutes later we emerged from the darkness and sounds of dribbling water in to the daylight of reality completely relaxed.  Even though her first experience had been terrible… she was reformed after this tranquil spa experience.  Success!!

Jenny lives on the opposite side of Pudong so she was interested in exploring Jin Qiao.  She came along on my visit to the Carrefour, which turned out to be her first time in one.  She was taken back at the size and the offerings in the wet market area of the store.  The same area my own kids were amazed by.  But she survived the visit.

We shared a cab as far as our apartment, and then she was on to her own.  It was almost 5:00pm so giving up the cab would be a huge mistake.  Another wonderful day with new friends…

The Flower Market and other things

Friday, July 1, 2011

Today, Dave, Anne and I embarked on a mission.  We were once again in search of the flower market, only this time I was armed with better instructions regarding the location.

We met at 9:30am and set off on this expedition.  I am so confident that I will find the market that I have pulled my cart, loaded with extra bags.  We are going out the front entrance to the left and going beyond Huamu Lu (wah-moo) on Dong Xi Lu (dong shue)… this is new territory for me.  I have never ventured beyond Huamu Lu.  It was enlightening… there was a small grocery store, a restaurant and several other stores along the way.  No time to stop today… we are on a mission.

Just a few short blocks (short???), we are at Pujian Lu. (poo-g-on).  Go right … there is YangGao Lu (yong-ga-ow)!  We see buildings, we see a Lotus Supermarket… WE SEE FLOWERS!!!! 

For those of you following the misery and disappointment I’ve endured on my quest to find the flower market will revel with me today!!  The market that has eluded me… today SUCCESS is my reward for perseverance!  I have found and conquered the flower market!

The flower market is a 4-5 story building overflowing with flowers and plants and who knows what else might we hiding behind the walls.  I am elated on so many levels!!  I found it.  I will be taking home some flowers.  I’m so anxious to get across the streets and into the market… I can hardly wait.

Oh my… it was everything I hoped for and so much more!  This market was like all markets I have been in so far… lots of little stores in one… only no real walls to separate the booths or stalls.  The flowers and green plants just flow for as far as the eye can see.  There are containers, after containers, of purslane, begonia, mums, daisy, hibiscus, gardenia, lantana, and all varieties in between.  Green plants of every size and shape form the back drop for color.  Orchids are everywhere… and the size and colors are amazing!  Booths of soils, pots, and every tool the average gardener could possibly need are dotted around the aisles.  This place is a gardener’s paradise!!! 

I just had to stop for a minute and take it all in!  And after the walk in the heat and humidity, it was wonderful to be inside where it was cooler and enjoy the wonderful bouquet of fragrances.  My eyes darting from one place to the next drinking it all in. 

I know this all sounds kinda crazy, but to find something that reminds you of something you love so much back home… it just brings tears to your eyes.  There is a nursery just outside of Kaufman on Hwy 175.  I pass it every time I go to and from Dallas.  It is a great nursery!!!  They have everything from shade and fruit trees and bushes to every kind of flower that is in season.  When I go there, I spend way too much time and money!  Walking into this market had the same effect on me.

We walked around, weaving through the walkways.  The upper floors had more plants, furniture and home décor, and silk plants.  Then looking out one of the doors to the outside, through a breezeway, another building was attached.  I could see some silk flowers.  It looked to be about the same size building.  No time today, but must explore next time… and there will definitely be a next time.

It was time to start figuring out what would be going home with me.  The biggest problem I was going to have is not to over buy.  There are only 3 of us to carry my purchases home.  So I decided on 5 four inch pots of purslane and 3 pots of lantana.  This would give me a start and some great colors of pinks, reds, and yellows.  I picked out 3 larger pots and a mix of potting soils.  The soils would ride in the cart, the plants and extra pots would have to ride in the bags I brought.  We were full up with the few plants I bought.  Time for the walk home and hopefully the plants will make it unscathed.

We arrived at the apartment, no worse for wear and dripping in sweat.  Yes… I sweat, not perspire!  Thanks to Dave and Anne, the plants made it home in good shape too. 

After taking a little time to recover, Anne decided to head for home.  But Dave and I were catching our second wind!  We were out the door again and headed to the metro station… We were going to Longyang Lu (long-yong) station and the Asijen Noodle place. YUM #1!!  Anne went on to the next stop and home.

I was prepared to have the vegetable noodle dish since my favorite had not been on the menu of the other places I had been lately.  Much to my delight… there was the pork noodle bowl!!!  Hot dog… my fav is on the menu!  Today just was  getting better and better.

Since we were here and Dave had asked about where he could find index cards, I would take him across the street to the B&Q (the Chinese equivalent to Home Depot) and the Metro Store (China’s equivalent to Sam’s Club).  And… the perk one gets for making the trip across the street???  A Dairy Queen just happens to be attached to the B&Q! YUM #2!!

We wondered through the B&Q so that Dave could get a sense of what he could find there.  We found these electronic flying insect killers.  They looked like tennis rackets but the netting is deadly… like a hand held bug zapper!  I gotta get one of these for Michael.  We had seen them advertised on TV and every time the ad came on, he wanted one.  So this would definitely be going home with me!  I also found a new rug for the front door.  The one that came with the apartment slides around on the floor and drives us crazy.  This one has a rubber backing that hugs the floor… just what we need and looks good too!  Oops… no bags!  So carrying the rug and the bug zapper tennis racket hanging out my backpack, we go over to the Metro Store… with one pit stop at the Dairy Queen. 

The ice cream cone tasted divine, but had to lick fast in the heat.  It was gone by the time we got to the Metro.  First thing we saw once we got in… the bug zapper tennis rackets…CHEAPER!!!  Now we know to check Metro first before buying… if they have it… probably cheaper!

I almost got through the Metro Store without spending anything, but wait; I need paper plates for the Bible Study!  Picked up 2 sizes of 100 count each… much better than the 8 count at Carrefour and way cheaper.  So I tucked the plates in the rug and we are off. 

Dave walked back across the street with me where we parted ways.  He caught a cab for Puxi and I took the subway home.  It had been an extremely fruitful day... got my flowers, had a wonderful lunch of my favorite noodle dish, scored a new rug and Michael got his overpriced bug zapping tennis racket!  All in all, I’d call it a good day!

Here is a picture of the fruits of my labor… looks like a need a lot more plants!!!  But it is a start…

At least I can enjoy them through the window of the bedroom!